I once had a friend tell me I was the most confident person she knew. I took that testament as a compliment because it is … right? This isn’t a surface-level friend either, she’s seen it all. She’s been there for some of my biggest celebrations, and has walked with me while I struggled through some real failures too. She’s watched me change jobs, helped me through breakups and coached me through starting this business.
I say this because it’s important to know confidence is not just built by success. Confidence is built by failing, and realizing you are okay when it does. You must be confident enough to fail.
Your world may revolve around you at times, but the world doesn’t. The world doesn’t care about the other business names, plans and attempts I made before The Good Word, Co. The world kept spinning when I decided I didn’t want to be a lawyer. Our mistakes don’t define us, or the world. President Biden, if you’re reading this, your mistakes can impact the world so ignore that last part.
Confident people are brave enough to try something new, knowing it could not work out. Confident people are also surrounded by people who love them no matter what they are failing or succeeding at. My family and friends are proud of me for things I’ve accomplished, but they don’t love me for them. That gives me confidence.
So, when you aren’t confident in your career, be confident in your relationships. If you aren’t confident in your relationships, be confident in the chocolate chip cookie recipe you’ve mastered. I bet you always have a reason to be confident.
We live in a world where we can compare our lives to anyone else’s at any time. We have ample opportunities to feel like we aren’t measuring up. Let me save you some time. Your story is different than whoever’s you are comparing it to, so don’t.
I have friends who also own their own businesses. If I compared TGW to what they do, I could probably find a bunch of things I was failing at. I also have friends who are married or in serious relationships. I could see that as a lack in my life. Instead, I am my friends’ customer, and choose confidence in my story.
Being confident doesn’t mean that you love your job, relationship status or body all the time. In fact, none of those things give you confidence. They might validate you in certain ways, but confidence is knowing that even if all of those things changed, you’d still like yourself. Find things in your life that you excel at and put positive energy there. And, also, feed things in your life that would still be there if you got fired.
Here’s one more hack for the road – when you don’t feel confident, fake it. If you’re giving a presentation to your board of directors, put on your best outfit, curl your hair, and blast your favorite song on the commute. You’d be surprised how much confidence you gain when you’re brave enough to do it (or fake it) properly the first time.
An affirmation to try: “ I have reasons to be confident in the person I am, the person I have been and the person I am becoming. ”